We all want to be accepted. We secretly wish world accepts us as we are. So do our children.
But for children parents are their world.
In first years children see their self-worth through parents. Parental rejection at this stage can be fatal for their emotional development and hence emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence contributes to 80% of success in the life.
When you tell this to parents most will say, they love their child no matter what. It might be true. But love in a parent’s heart can not be measured. It needs to be shown, so that child understand’s it.
How do you show it?
Is it by feeding the food? – Child will soon start eating on her own.
Is it by buying stuff? – Child will soon grow out of them and will want more stuff.
Then how do you show it? By accepting the child. By accepting the wrongs with rights. By accepting naughtiness with discipline. By accepting mistakes with achievements.
When my son was born, I liked everything about him. Soon he became a toddler and joined play school. Then comparison started. Oh, other kid is taller. Some girl is already reading. Why my son can’t be more friendly? I further got irritated when his teacher told, “He cries all the time at school”. She even added, “All other kids are perfect!”. Though I had Development Psychology background, I still got frustrated. It is difficult to think clearly when things get personal. My son complained that teacher is bad. I told him, he has to adjust. He started to cry more and I stopped sending him to the school. By that time, school year was almost over and I joined him to a new school, school in which he is studying now.
As usual he was hesitant on the first day and was crying. I saw other kids who were jumping with the joy and wished why can’t my son be like that. But to my surprise from first day itself he liked the school. He said, he loves his new teacher.
Now I look back and realize how stupid I was. He had tough teacher and all he wanted was me to accept that.
Do you accept your child? Take this quiz ( You can take it anonymously)
Children who don’t feel accepted
- Try to stay away from parents when they grow up
- Are less confident
- Hesitate to take leadership positions
- Seek too much peer or social approval
- Are unhappy
- More likely to get into bad habits
Check whether your child is desperate for your acceptance. Take below quiz (you can take it anonymously)
If your answer is yes to more than 2 questions, your child lacks acceptance. If this continues child might become a rebellion as a teenager and will do exact opposite of what parents say. Child will start seeking approval from friends or rest of the world. If they get approval from bad people, they often start bad habits like drugs.
If child is showing sudden behavior change, becoming distant from parents, showing lack of interest in everything – child needs immediate attention may be professional help.
All these are OK. But don’t we want our children to improve? Isn’t it our job to guide them? Yes, it is. But we can do all that by showing acceptance.
As a parent what can you do to show acceptance?
Today is mother’s day. Let us accept mothers as they are. Happy mother’s day.